Stop at Nothing

I am twenty years old. In the last two weeks, my life has been flipped completely upside-down. I have gone from being just an intern sitting behind a desk to having to take on the responsibility of leading a team of 20 people, much more experienced than I, in the fight against criticism for trying to do what is right.

And I know what we are doing is right.

But this is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It is painful.

Imagine having your friend, a friend you love dearly and look up to, in poor mental and physical health, being mocked and laughed at and hated by millions of vocal people every day. More than that, imagine having your darkest and most out-of-self moment (and you know we've all had them) videotaped and on display for the world to see and laugh at and shape their idea of you as a person, and your life's work, around. It's not so hard, for me at least, to see why this is difficult.

I have worked for 12 days straight, working 12 hour days or longer, and all I hear is screaming. What I hear are thousands of people screaming at us, cursing, giving us the middle finger as we drive in our van. We, as interns, have given up everything to be here. But what we hear is screaming and hatred coming from every direction. It's painful. It hurts. Standing in a room with 100 of the most beautiful and incredible people I have ever been graced to know as we all stand in the face of thousands spitting our direction. Now I'm starting to understand what the apostles must have felt as they saw people spitting on the face of Jesus as He healed their sick.

I call on the world to find their humanity. We are a strong group of people here, and we can take this. We work towards a world where things just like this won't happen anymore. It would be naive to think that in doing so we won't have to look in the eyes of the people doing these things. We weren't expecting any of this, but we can take this. We fight now just like we always have. The only difference now is that we have people, a large and strong group of people, fighting back. But as strong as they may be, WE ARE STRONGER. There's nothing we can't do, because we know what we are doing is right.

We aren't the first group of idealistic people to receive this. Look at Martin Luther King. Look at Harriet Tubman. Look at the Women's Right's Movement. Look at the Freedom Riders. Every movement towards justice, towards positive change, that has ever existed in the world has been met with opposition. Why should we have a free pass? They were beaten, raped, and even killed for doing what was right. What are a few middle fingers and angry phone calls? It's hard, but we will press on. They didn't quit, and neither will we.

I am exhausted mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. Seeing how much hatred their is towards my closest and most beautiful friends is harder than I can say. As a person of faith, I am starting to understand what I have read and heard. Jesus said that in the last days, the world would look at evil as good and good as evil. I'm staring it in the face now, confident that I stand on the side of the good. Whether the world can see that or not.

And after all of this suffering, I am proud to be a part of this movement. I am proud to stand where I stand. I am proud of our work and I will carry it to the end of the earth if that is what it comes down to. And I have friends here, beautiful and wonderful friends, ready to do it too. There is nowhere else I would rather be in this moment.

We will stand tall. We will work harder than ever before. We will not quit.

We will stop at nothing.

Realities

Sometimes I forget I have to align my realities,

And it's when I start to bring them together that things start getting messed up.

Oh to be two people, to live two lives.

To feel what I have,

To know the new that is emerging.

To have two things that ought never to meet

But a life like that can't last long

Tonight,

Suddenly I feel myself split

And find myself forced to make a choice

A choice between two things I should not have to surrender.

I can't feel real in the direction I am going,

Because I can not be whole in living like this.

Things have gotten a lot more difficult since you walked in to my life,

Suddenly I'm left with no one to confide in;

Losing, losing everything.

And in a moment of reflection I almost dare utter regret,

Until the moment you are here

And I remember precisely why I sacrificed

As if nothing mattered,

Nothing could touch me.

Independence Day

Last Thursday, we celebrated the DR Congo's independence.

Yesterday, I celebrated my own.

Saturday, we will celebrate South Sudan's very first independence day.

I truly believe the best way to remember those who fought to make us free

Is to work as hard as they did for the freedom of others.

"As He died to make men holy, let us live to make men free!"

What does it mean to be human?

I've lived my life so passionately in love with the human soul;

With art, with music, with literature, with connection.

Driven by the obsession with getting a glimpse into another human mind,

Of sharing and seeing the overlaps between us, in every venue of life.

Wanting to see the bigger picture,

Consumed with a fascination with the human condition.

Two years

Its been two years today that we lost you,

Miss you like crazy,

And I wish you were here with all of us.

To sing around your guitar

Or walk down to the beach again.

But I know things happen for a reason.

Though I don't know what that reason is.

I love you, Uncle Ron.

Self-Analysis

The more I think about things, the more I start to dissect and realize new things about myself.

I think my issue is that I'm obsessed, almost possessed, by the idea of having someone really know who I am.

I think it's been this way for a long time. Its some kind of nagging need in my head that overcomes and drives just about everything I do. Its the reason behind almost everything.

Where did that come from?

Heroes

There are few more wonderful feelings in this world than having a hero that you adore who actually adores you back.

I've found that most of my heroes are people who I will never really know--Mother Teresa, Ghandi, Dustin Kensrue, Deiter Utchdorf, John Prendergast.

But what a wonderful thing it is to have a hero, someone you look up to with all your heart, someone you see as so beyond yourself and so admirable, who actually really knows you personally and loves you, and sees in you the potential to be great, like the greatness you see in them.

It doesn't really get much better than that. Suddenly life becomes fulfilling and meaningful, and the future a little less terrifying.

(Sister Wheat and Faith Riley, this one is for you.)