Two years

Its been two years today that we lost you,

Miss you like crazy,

And I wish you were here with all of us.

To sing around your guitar

Or walk down to the beach again.

But I know things happen for a reason.

Though I don't know what that reason is.

I love you, Uncle Ron.

Self-Analysis

The more I think about things, the more I start to dissect and realize new things about myself.

I think my issue is that I'm obsessed, almost possessed, by the idea of having someone really know who I am.

I think it's been this way for a long time. Its some kind of nagging need in my head that overcomes and drives just about everything I do. Its the reason behind almost everything.

Where did that come from?

Heroes

There are few more wonderful feelings in this world than having a hero that you adore who actually adores you back.

I've found that most of my heroes are people who I will never really know--Mother Teresa, Ghandi, Dustin Kensrue, Deiter Utchdorf, John Prendergast.

But what a wonderful thing it is to have a hero, someone you look up to with all your heart, someone you see as so beyond yourself and so admirable, who actually really knows you personally and loves you, and sees in you the potential to be great, like the greatness you see in them.

It doesn't really get much better than that. Suddenly life becomes fulfilling and meaningful, and the future a little less terrifying.

(Sister Wheat and Faith Riley, this one is for you.)

Exposed

I'm starting to feel more okay with exposing myself,

Letting people see the parts of me I tend to hide.

And I think that's a good thing. =]

Peace

Last night I had a dream that you whispered

If you go back on what you've said you would do,

And what everyone else expects of you

People will ask questions.

They will give you a hard time.

But if you have truly had your answer,

And truly feel that wherever you are heading

Is right for you,

It won't matter.

If you know you are doing what you're meant to do,

And being what you're meant to be,

Nothing in this world can bring you down.

And the rest of them will come to understand that eventually.

Don't factor the opinions and judgements of others in while you are making a ground breaking decision in your life.

Make your decision for you, for your family if you have one, and for your God.

And if you are at peace with that,

Then everyone else will adapt to what you've chosen.

It may take some time,

But you will be all the better for it,

And you will never live with regret.

Service

I know I am here on this earth to serve. I've known it all my life and I know it just as well now.

And up until these past few weeks, I've thought I knew where, when, and in what way.

Now I'm trying to get myself to come down to the reality that maybe I was wrong.

Maybe God has a different way of serving in mind for me than what I thought.

Maybe there is something here I don't understand yet.

Maybe He sees something different for me than what I've set my sights on.

And if thats true, am I ready to accept that?

Am I ready to put my capacity for true selflessness to the test?

Knowing

I've spent the last 3 years of my life saying that I know things.

I know I'm going to do this.

I know I could never do that.

I know I won't change my mind.

Now here comes the humbling,

And suddenly I realize I don't know anything.

I guess its time for re-evaluation.

But as solemn as it sounds,

And as lost as I feel,

I'm in love.

And I gotta say,

It could be worse.

=]